I Heard Violins


Dear Seamus,

The other day I asked your Daddy to describe his relationship with me. He compared it to a love story like no other; Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. When I asked why he told me that, like Kermit, he feels the overwhelming intensity of my love for him. Just like Miss Piggy, I declare my love for your Daddy in a way that cannot be misinterpreted. I cannot disagree with his analogy. You see Seamus, I adore your Daddy and see no reason why he should not be showered with my affections. In fact because he is just so beautiful to me, he is positively marinating in my love all the time.

I knew your Dad for a few years before we got together. Life took him on a roller coaster ride of challenge and heartache and I didn’t see him around much for a while. On a whim I invited him to accompany me on a road trip to Queensland where I was relocating to study for 12 months. What I didn’t realise was that time together spent driving north in a summery haze, was the beginning of the road we would start paving as a family. When he left Brisbane to go back home we agreed to keep in touch and see how things panned out. Three weeks later I was calling him to tell him we were going to have a baby.

I stayed on in Brisbane to complete the subjects I had started. My days were spent in classes, mostly the aisle seats as I would have to quietly but quickly make regular trips to the bathroom courtesy of my all day morning sickness. Evenings were spent studying while devouring watermelon and cheezels, both of which I had an unquenchable craving for.

I was almost five months pregnant when I returned and moved into your Dad’s house. We had a few ups and downs as we learned to live together. We spent many hours sitting by the fire talking and sharing our life experiences with each other. I found myself able to be candidly honest with him. I felt very relaxed in his company and we established the firm friendship on which our relationship is now based. Day by day our love grew as we nurtured it with patience, laughter and forgiveness.

I treasure him for so many reasons. He has a unique blend of gentleness and strength. His wisdom is born from his fearless approach to life. He has taught me so much about the beauty of being a parent. I got to observe his parenting skills with his other children before you were born. He demonstrated to me that his love for his children cannot be measured. I saw firsthand how much he cherishes them. And when any of them are not with him his heart yearns, like a piece of him is missing. Life had drawn the most amazing Father into my life for you, Seamus.

Over the years I had met many men and my heart just didn’t engage. I always found something wrong with the person or the timing or the circumstances. Then again, I always found fault in myself so the inner reflected the outer. I was buying into the illusion I had constructed around myself and was looking for an illusion in a man that might complete me. It was all back to front and upside down! More than that, it was not the truth. I had to recognise my true self was complete already, before I could hope to find an authentic experience of love.

There are fixed interpretations about love and you should ignore them all. I had an idea of what love was and time and time again, it failed to deliver. When I released the mental concept of love and all judgements that went along with it, love found me and so did you.

Love is incomprehensible and unfathomable by its very nature. You see the heart doesn’t know any rules, rules are born of the mind. I always say that the mind has no business in matters of the heart. Love cannot be captured or possessed or contained. Love has no concept of time. The heart does not know race, gender, religion, age and sometimes, species! Why else would a frog and a pig experience a loving devotion that defies all logic?!

It is a love that cannot be explained or understood, it is only to be experienced. I am so grateful to know it and live it every day. Seamus, I love that you can see it and feel it radiating from us.
Over the years I kissed a lot of Prince Charmings but I finally found my frog.

“The first time I met Kermie, I heard violins, I saw fireworks, and I felt as if I were walking on air. And Kermie says the first moment he saw me, his flippers tingled”Miss Piggy


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Melanie Rose Killick

Melanie Rose Killick writes to her baby son Seamus about life, death and the amazing gift of cancer.

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