Act of Rebellion

Dear Seamus,

Much has been said about rebellion. I have always had a strong streak of rebelliousness, just ask your Nan. I was never known as the obedient child. My spirit was too passionate for that. Rebellion was the passage through which I expressed my true self. If you are a child that rebels you will get branded with all manner of labels. Brat, terror, black sheep, bad seed and there are plenty more. I was sensitive and had strong emotions that could not be repressed. They needed an outlet and when I expressed them I was more often than not punished for it. I vividly recall being in kindergarten and we were given pictures to colour in. I was happily applying colour to my line drawing of a monkey in a tree and the child beside me decided to help. I was furious that they had scribbled right across my monkey so I scribbled right back. As my pencil ripped through their paper, the crying child drew the attention of the teacher. I was loudly reprimanded and labelled a naughty child. Over and over again through life I was told I was unmanageable, out of control and disobedient. In my working life I always questioned the status quo and was the nightmare of many a manager who just wanted me to tow the line. I also saw the power I had in influencing others. Speaking out created a foundation on which others felt they could have a voice too. Sometimes it had a positive outcome and other times I just got fired.

There has been much debate as to why people get attracted to rebels. I know I always was. If there was a black sheep within a 5 mile radius I would be drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Not only because we were a kindred spirit but because they were the reminder to me to express myself truthfully.

We are repressed in so many ways, our flames dimmed by conventions and protocol. Formulas for life churned out for us to swallow without question.

Seamus, if you are living your truth and being totally and completely yourself, you will naturally be a rebel. Not in the sense that you feel you have to go against the grain, like it is a choice. You will not feel you need to put energy into it or prove that you are different. It will be more like the whole of society can be against you and you will feel contentment. Your mind will be at ease because your heart is being the only real expression that you can ever be; YOU. There is only one you. You may be able to draw comparisons to others. I can guarantee you one thing, you will always encounter similarities and variations! But what really is the point? If you compare, you only distract yourself from your own unique beauty. Comparison always presents us with superiority and inferiority. Yet you are not better than anyone else and you are not worse than anyone else. You are just you.

As your Mother I can protect you and I can guide you but ultimately I just want to nurture your ability to be yourself, to express yourself. I already see your little personality emerging. It is distinctive and I watch with wonderment as it unfolds more and more with each passing day. I am so aware that you came through me, that I was the vessel through which you made your entry into the world but you are not mine. You are not my possession. You are a sacred blessing that has been entrusted to me for safe keeping. I do believe that you chose me to be your Mother, that there are gifts, lessons and experiences in my life which will benefit your human experience. My responsibility, firstly to myself, is to be the only true expression of me. This by default will be the illustration for you to be the only true expression of you. If you don’t buy into all the confusion about how we are supposed to look, behave, feel and express ourselves then you will have the courage to be different.

You will become the rebel and then you will go beyond that and just be yourself.

“Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being” – Albert Camus


Published by

Melanie Rose Killick

Melanie Rose Killick writes to her baby son Seamus about life, death and the amazing gift of cancer.

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