The Yin and Yang Smorgasboard

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Dear Seamus,

Yesterday I did something I haven’t done since I was a high school student. I sat down and read the bible. Unlike at school, it was of my own volition and it was a fascinating read. I rejected the bible for many years because I felt it was forced upon me during my upbringing as a catholic. I never understood it nor could I relate to it. It only added to the many other confusing messages I got about life. My very basic idea about God was this cranky old man who lived in the sky watching your every move. I was told he loved me but if I was tempted by Satan then God would punish me. I was always having to admit to being a bad girl and repent for it, otherwise upon my demise he would send me to the fires of hell. There I would burn for an eternity, writhing in pain. I had been sunburned a few times over the hot, dry Australian summers and that was uncomfortable enough!

I remember as a young child sitting quietly in the school chapel with my classmates, waiting my turn for confession. I recall the distinct scent of the lacquer of the wooden bench seats as I watched a flickering light in a red glass dome on a table under a stained glass window. I called it the ‘jumping Jesus’ light and it only served to remind me of my restlessness. I was eventually called in for my turn and my anxiety grew as I tried to think of things I needed to confess to the priest. I usually made things up so I had at least three things to work with. The priest blessed me, told me to say three Hail Mary’s and four Our Father prayers and that was it. I was off the hook for another week.

So it’s a Sunday morning just before the dawn and I am up with you. Rubbing my blurry eyes while you wriggle and squeal in sheer delight of being awake. I switch on the television and start feeding you your bottle. On the channel is a bible study program, relating the current global financial crisis to the fall of Babylon in the book of Revelations. I was intrigued so when I got the opportunity later that day, I dug up a bible and opened it up to Revelations. I read about the battle between the Christ and the Anti-Christ and I began to ponder the symbolism of that story.

The concept of good versus evil has existed for a long, long time. Mostly we like to read the stories that end with the triumph of good over evil. However it made me wonder about one without the other. What would the world be like if there was only good? Or what if there was only evil? Perhaps it’s the phrasing that required rethinking.  If I apply the concept of yin and yang, it immediately takes on a different tone. It describes opposite forces that are interconnected and interdependent. So when you take the moral labels away it is no longer good and evil, right and wrong. It becomes light and dark, day and night, birth and death. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? Is birth right and death wrong? If birth is right and we want to admonish all that is wrong, that cancels out death. What would that mean for the world? Birth and death are related and connected. One requires the other in order for its very existence. If there was only up, you would never know down. If there was only light you would never know darkness so therefore, how would you recognise the light?

So sweet little boy, if you didn’t know tears or sadness would you recognise joy? We might wish to believe that a world without heartache would be a fabulous experience of perpetual happiness. If you never felt hurt, how would you know you are happy? Perhaps then that experience of happiness would become quite bland. Day in, day out eternal happiness. The same old thing every day. Imagine you are standing at a huge long table filled with food. The catch is, it’s all prawns. Freshly caught, delicious and flavoursome. That’s what you can sample from the table. You might be able to add some lemon, or tartare sauce. You can grill them or fry them or bbq them or eat them raw. At the end of the day, no matter how much you love them, it’s all that’s on offer. They will start to lose their appeal and you will take them for granted. Your palate will become one dimensional and that will be boring.

Now I want you to imagine standing at that table and there are dozens of different foods to sample. You cannot believe the incredible flavour of the tandoori chicken, or the peppery bitterness of the rocket salad.  You may well sample the spicy meatloaf and after a strong dose of heartburn have a new appreciation for your prawns. Suddenly they are appealing again. A contrast has been created. A meatloaf yin to your prawnie yang.

In life you need to experience loneliness to appreciate and understand togetherness. When you suffer through ill health you will yearn for wellness. When you know the full force of your ego that separates you from others, it will be deeply humbling to accept the grace of the universal spirit that joins us all together.

These opposing, contradictory concepts are merely points of reference. You cannot have the one without the other. So in terms of the story of the Christ battling the Anti-Christ, I believe it is the war that we wage inside ourselves trying to avoid one aspect in favour of another. Both are required and when you accept this you will find a balance, you will feel a flow. You cannot ignore the heart and only listen to the mind. Just like you could never block out the mind and only experience the heart. They both serve a purpose by highlighting the other. Lean heavily in one direction and you will want to swing in the opposite way like a pendulum because there is a sense of the incomplete. Don’t reject it when you feel uncomfortable or when you are unhappy. Embrace it as it is needed. It is a gift given. You cannot ever have a one sided coin, it is impossible. Accept the diversity and you won’t struggle against the current, instead you will become part of the natural flow of the tides of life.

“A Warrior knows that an angel and a devil are both competing for his sword hand.
The devil says: “You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid.”
The angel says: “You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid.”
The Warrior is surprised. Both the angel and the devil have said the same thing”
– Paulo Cohelo, Warrior of the Light

Colpo di fulmine

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Dear Seamus,

A lot has been said about falling in love. Many debates have been waged over the concept of love at first sight. It has been described as an instantaneous attraction to someone you don’t know or have just met. It is all consuming for some making it difficult to think of anything else.

The Italians talk of the thunderbolt or lightning strike; “Colpo di fulmine”. Gordon Livingston describes it as mindless and I think he’s onto something there. I believe that when you fall in love or experience love at first sight it is a state of mindlessness. It is your pure bliss experiencing somebody else’s pure bliss. It is the moment when the mind is absent and the heart is in charge. It is beyond judgement, limitations and fear. You float about in the ecstasy of it and experience incredible joy. What an amazing gift given to us! A reminder through another that we are all consciousness, that we are all love.

So what then of love that goes bad? Why do we fall ‘out of love’ with each other? The thing is, it doesn’t go bad and we don’t fall out of love. We engage the mind and sometimes slowly, or sometimes quickly, we forget our bliss. We begin to apply labels and conditions. We start to hash over the past and plot a future, ignoring the beauty of the present moment. Falling in love is born from the present moment, when there is a gap of the conscious mind. A tiny crack that can shatter all the illusions you have bought into about who you are.

When you fall in love imperfections disappear. A person will appear to you in all their glory as their true selves. As pure energy. You’ve broken through all the layers and can experience their soul with your own. You feel accepting, tolerant, loving, connected, kind and generous. Being in love makes you feel bold, daring and open hearted. It allows you a freedom to express yourself, and you will want your beloved to express themselves too.

From our state of being in love and being content with the other, we begin to apply our perceptions and beliefs to that person. Imperfections in ourselves and others are born of the mind.

Depending on how you were raised and what your society says, a list of good and bad will begin to appear. You will begin to tick some boxes and cross some other things out. You will start telling the other what you don’t like about them or behaviours you will not tolerate. You will give them conditions of your love and issue ultimatums when they don’t behave in the way you think they should. You will withdraw your love from them as punishment and remind them how you confided in them about your past hurts and how they should know better. You will question your future together. You will manipulate and coerce and cry. You will grieve the illusion you had created in your mind about who that person was and say things like “well, I never really knew them anyway”. If you made your commitment legally binding, you will find yourself signing documentation stating your union has broken down irretrievably.

Despite all of this, your love is just sitting hidden beneath blame, guilt, failure and shame. You may stumble around for a while feeling emotionally crippled and disconnected. You will go about your business with a wound and you might vow never to fall in love again. Then one day, completely unexpectedly, you will experience your colpo di fulmine again with somebody else.

If you are aware and you love yourself, you can lovingly accept the other as they are. You can easily forgive them if they hurt you and you can be vulnerable and open with them. Or you can repeat the process of trying to filter love through the mind, ultimately forgetting yourself and the other. Same situation, different person. The number of times you wish to experience this is completely up to you. You can also reject falling in love altogether and feel incredible fear if you get even a hint of it happening again. Our ego’s fear love because it has the power to dissolve the identity we have created. Love threatens to expose us and make us feel naked. We are frightened that another will see all our faults and reject us. Yet our faults are mind-made and when we surrender to love, all concepts of this just melts away.

The greatest illusion of falling in love is that there is one special soul mate. There is no one person that will complete you. There is no one person that is perfect for you. If you look for fulfilment in the other you will never find it. If you look for the perfect person to have a relationship with, the odds are against you in the first instance. However, if you turn your attention inwards to see your own perfection you will fall in love with yourself. Then it is only natural that you will draw others into your experience that feel the same about themselves.

Love will become a constant in your life and not something to tumble in and out of. To fall in love is to remember, to fall out of love is to forget. Don’t forget it and there is no need to remember it. Just be love and everything else will fall into place.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New English version)

 

 

A Blind World

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Dear Seamus,

Part of the beauty of honouring yourself is to have your own unique experience of the world. Everybody else has their own unique experience of the world too so this sometimes leads to conflict. Your perceptions and beliefs will ultimately clash with others. When you fight or argue or defend, you strengthen your beliefs. We do this because we have a desire to be right. We argue to convince someone else that their opinion, view or belief is wrong and that ours is right. The more you push against others, the ego hardens and the more isolated you become. That is the nature of the mind and the ego, to define a separation. To make us forget that we are all connected and just a very different expression of the same source.

Osho spoke of the difference between reacting and responding. Simply put, he says that reaction is just the continuation of a pattern from the past. Whereas response is the sensitivity to be in the moment. I try to be aware of this and when I am having an experience of conflict I endeavour to respond, not to react. When I react to conflict, it is with anger or indignation or hurt. It is old wounds bubbling to the surface. A need to protect myself, to try and cover an old hurt. An attempt to hide a vulnerability. It is a very different experience when I am responsive. If I make the choice in that moment of conflict to respond I feel very different. There is a calmness and an acceptance, both of myself and of the other. When you react, you want to force your thoughts, beliefs, heartaches and memories onto the other and convince them to accept it. When you respond, you are allowing a space for the other to express themselves without feeling the responsibility to prove them wrong or make them feel better. Both of those things will only reinforce the ego. You listen to them, you let them have their expression and know that it is not yours. You will not feel the need to justify yourself, to persuade them or to show them the evidence. You will respond to them by expressing yourself without care for winning the argument. If you respond instead of reacting, there will be no argument. There can only be discussion, a sharing between two people.

This requires practice when you have lots of belief systems in place. Conflict can be used to highlight your judgements and can give you an opportunity to look at what you are holding on to. How are you defining yourself? What experiences of the past do you carry forward into your day to day life? Perhaps there’s an outspoken and aggressive person who pushes your buttons. Ask yourself why? Do you want to be right? Do you want to be superior? If so, why? To win a debate or an argument is to indulge in the flimsy idea of winning. It brings no real satisfaction and only fuels the desire to create more conflict and to be right over and over and over again. It is just another illusion. To me it’s like arguing over a glass for the contents. The winner gets the water poured into their hands and it just washes through their fingers. You cannot grasp being right, just like you cannot grasp being wrong. You cannot make the thought tangible enough to hold it. It is just a thought, an idea, a concept, a belief. It’s not real, even though it feels very real to you. Go and stand beside a tree. Touch it and feel the bark and the leaves and look up into the branches. That tree is real. Can you run your hands over your thought? Can you feel the texture of your idea? No you cannot, because it only exists in your mind.

Look at your hand, see the pink flesh and unique marks on your skin. Admire your fingers and your palm and appreciate the amazing things your hands do every day. Now look at your friend’s hand. It might be bigger or smaller and different in colour but it too serves to do a vast array of incredible things every day. Now imagine trying to convince your friend that your hand is right, that your hand is superior. What a fruitless episode that would be! Your hand is your own and it is beautiful. Your friends hand belongs to them and it is indeed wonderful. You can choose how to use your hands. Do you make a fist and fight? Or do you join hands in acceptance of yourselves to open a space in which to share? React or respond, the choice is yours my dear.

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind” – Gandhi

Act of Rebellion

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Dear Seamus,

Much has been said about rebellion. I have always had a strong streak of rebelliousness, just ask your Nan. I was never known as the obedient child. My spirit was too passionate for that. Rebellion was the passage through which I expressed my true self. If you are a child that rebels you will get branded with all manner of labels. Brat, terror, black sheep, bad seed and there are plenty more. I was sensitive and had strong emotions that could not be repressed. They needed an outlet and when I expressed them I was more often than not punished for it. I vividly recall being in kindergarten and we were given pictures to colour in. I was happily applying colour to my line drawing of a monkey in a tree and the child beside me decided to help. I was furious that they had scribbled right across my monkey so I scribbled right back. As my pencil ripped through their paper, the crying child drew the attention of the teacher. I was loudly reprimanded and labelled a naughty child. Over and over again through life I was told I was unmanageable, out of control and disobedient. In my working life I always questioned the status quo and was the nightmare of many a manager who just wanted me to tow the line. I also saw the power I had in influencing others. Speaking out created a foundation on which others felt they could have a voice too. Sometimes it had a positive outcome and other times I just got fired.

There has been much debate as to why people get attracted to rebels. I know I always was. If there was a black sheep within a 5 mile radius I would be drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Not only because we were a kindred spirit but because they were the reminder to me to express myself truthfully.

We are repressed in so many ways, our flames dimmed by conventions and protocol. Formulas for life churned out for us to swallow without question.

Seamus, if you are living your truth and being totally and completely yourself, you will naturally be a rebel. Not in the sense that you feel you have to go against the grain, like it is a choice. You will not feel you need to put energy into it or prove that you are different. It will be more like the whole of society can be against you and you will feel contentment. Your mind will be at ease because your heart is being the only real expression that you can ever be; YOU. There is only one you. You may be able to draw comparisons to others. I can guarantee you one thing, you will always encounter similarities and variations! But what really is the point? If you compare, you only distract yourself from your own unique beauty. Comparison always presents us with superiority and inferiority. Yet you are not better than anyone else and you are not worse than anyone else. You are just you.

As your Mother I can protect you and I can guide you but ultimately I just want to nurture your ability to be yourself, to express yourself. I already see your little personality emerging. It is distinctive and I watch with wonderment as it unfolds more and more with each passing day. I am so aware that you came through me, that I was the vessel through which you made your entry into the world but you are not mine. You are not my possession. You are a sacred blessing that has been entrusted to me for safe keeping. I do believe that you chose me to be your Mother, that there are gifts, lessons and experiences in my life which will benefit your human experience. My responsibility, firstly to myself, is to be the only true expression of me. This by default will be the illustration for you to be the only true expression of you. If you don’t buy into all the confusion about how we are supposed to look, behave, feel and express ourselves then you will have the courage to be different.

You will become the rebel and then you will go beyond that and just be yourself.

“Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being” – Albert Camus

I Heard Violins

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Dear Seamus,

The other day I asked your Daddy to describe his relationship with me. He compared it to a love story like no other; Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. When I asked why he told me that, like Kermit, he feels the overwhelming intensity of my love for him. Just like Miss Piggy, I declare my love for your Daddy in a way that cannot be misinterpreted. I cannot disagree with his analogy. You see Seamus, I adore your Daddy and see no reason why he should not be showered with my affections. In fact because he is just so beautiful to me, he is positively marinating in my love all the time.

I knew your Dad for a few years before we got together. Life took him on a roller coaster ride of challenge and heartache and I didn’t see him around much for a while. On a whim I invited him to accompany me on a road trip to Queensland where I was relocating to study for 12 months. What I didn’t realise was that time together spent driving north in a summery haze, was the beginning of the road we would start paving as a family. When he left Brisbane to go back home we agreed to keep in touch and see how things panned out. Three weeks later I was calling him to tell him we were going to have a baby.

I stayed on in Brisbane to complete the subjects I had started. My days were spent in classes, mostly the aisle seats as I would have to quietly but quickly make regular trips to the bathroom courtesy of my all day morning sickness. Evenings were spent studying while devouring watermelon and cheezels, both of which I had an unquenchable craving for.

I was almost five months pregnant when I returned and moved into your Dad’s house. We had a few ups and downs as we learned to live together. We spent many hours sitting by the fire talking and sharing our life experiences with each other. I found myself able to be candidly honest with him. I felt very relaxed in his company and we established the firm friendship on which our relationship is now based. Day by day our love grew as we nurtured it with patience, laughter and forgiveness.

I treasure him for so many reasons. He has a unique blend of gentleness and strength. His wisdom is born from his fearless approach to life. He has taught me so much about the beauty of being a parent. I got to observe his parenting skills with his other children before you were born. He demonstrated to me that his love for his children cannot be measured. I saw firsthand how much he cherishes them. And when any of them are not with him his heart yearns, like a piece of him is missing. Life had drawn the most amazing Father into my life for you, Seamus.

Over the years I had met many men and my heart just didn’t engage. I always found something wrong with the person or the timing or the circumstances. Then again, I always found fault in myself so the inner reflected the outer. I was buying into the illusion I had constructed around myself and was looking for an illusion in a man that might complete me. It was all back to front and upside down! More than that, it was not the truth. I had to recognise my true self was complete already, before I could hope to find an authentic experience of love.

There are fixed interpretations about love and you should ignore them all. I had an idea of what love was and time and time again, it failed to deliver. When I released the mental concept of love and all judgements that went along with it, love found me and so did you.

Love is incomprehensible and unfathomable by its very nature. You see the heart doesn’t know any rules, rules are born of the mind. I always say that the mind has no business in matters of the heart. Love cannot be captured or possessed or contained. Love has no concept of time. The heart does not know race, gender, religion, age and sometimes, species! Why else would a frog and a pig experience a loving devotion that defies all logic?!

It is a love that cannot be explained or understood, it is only to be experienced. I am so grateful to know it and live it every day. Seamus, I love that you can see it and feel it radiating from us.
Over the years I kissed a lot of Prince Charmings but I finally found my frog.

“The first time I met Kermie, I heard violins, I saw fireworks, and I felt as if I were walking on air. And Kermie says the first moment he saw me, his flippers tingled”Miss Piggy

The Light of the Heart

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Dear Seamus,

We are often told to follow our heart. The biggest question I hear and I hear it often, is how do you tell the difference between the mind and the heart? Which voice is the logic and which is my gut instinct?
I spent years trying to somehow find a way to squeeze just a part of me into the mould of what I was told was acceptable. I did things I thought I ought to and very little of it made me happy. I was so torn as I knew I couldn’t follow the crowd yet I yearned to belong. I found myself constantly searching and nothing felt right for very long. I repeatedly moved house. I moved town, I moved state, I travelled and wandered overseas for a while. I saw some amazing things and I had glimpses of real joy but it was always fleeting.

I had one soul destroying corporate job after another. I lost count of all the times I sat at an office desk and felt like I was dying. My very being was suffocating and I didn’t feel like there was purpose in what I did. My mind was often very loud, like I was standing in a room full of radios all blaring at me. There was a different message on each radio, all of them negative and nasty, critical and contradictory. I vividly recall being at beautiful Coogee Beach, where I lived. I couldn’t see the beauty around me, I only felt the hell going on inside me. I had silently suffered through many years of depression and at that time it had intensified. I stood at the cliffs edge and looked down at the rocks below, wondering if me hurtling myself off would end my internal suffering. Instead I chose to surrender. I chose to surrender all my hurts, all my feelings of failure, all my unfulfilled dreams and all my expectations. I wanted to get into the passenger seat and let God drive for a while. I was exhausted and lonely and tired of keeping up appearances.

Then the most amazing thing happened.

Illness allowed the course of my life to change dramatically. I found myself having a profound spiritual experience. I read everything I could get my hands on that helped me unlearn everything I knew. I dropped should and shouldn’t, I dropped good and bad, I dropped right and wrong. I found myself beneath all the layers. I recognised that there was no death. I was amazed by the realisation of my connection to all things. I experienced moments of the most incredible bliss. All the while the real me was underneath just waiting, not for my discovery but for my remembrance.

When your heart is in charge the flavour of your life will be rich and have depth. Your decisions will defy all logic, there will be very little you can define and most importantly you will know true happiness. Anything you do that is perceived as a mistake will just be an experience. You will find extreme joy in the simplest of things. Playing with the dog. Hanging out the washing. Giving a friend a hug. I watch you and marvel at your excitement at the little things. Your eyes wide with fascination as you reach out for a toy, remind me that your bliss is still close at hand. It is coursing through you as you are this beautiful, innocent, unspoilt creation. You are totally present or as Eckhart Tolle describes it, in the now. I want you to remember that bliss Seamus. I don’t want you to learn all the things I had to unlearn, like the fruitlessness of self-criticism or a sense of isolation. I don’t want you to feel like you are not good enough or that you should have done better. I don’t want you to identify with a broken down version of yourself. It is nothing but an illusion. Seamus, I want you to know yourself so intimately that you will have the courage to celebrate who you are and not compromise yourself at any cost. Then you will know a freedom that allows you to live your life completely. You will take risks and go against the grain because often that is the guidance of the heart. That to me, is the essence of self-love.

You are very smart, I can see that quite clearly. In our culture being intelligent is of great value and something to be prized. For me, there is no value in having a great big mind if you ignore your heart. Being of service is the most amazing thing you can do with your gift of intelligence. Use your mind for the service of your heart. Let your heart lead and your mind follow. If you see a homeless person on the street it can speak to your heart. However your mind can make judgements in an instant about how that person came to be in that situation. Don’t allow that. Let your heart feel compassion and use your mind to find the nearest supermarket to buy them a sandwich and a drink! You will have an experience with that person in that moment. Take the opportunity to connect with them, to ask them how they are and to look them in the eye as one human to another. That person could be you. They are still a magnificent, incredible, unique creation. We are all the same. We all come from the same place and we all go back to the same place. Pure energy.

Love yourself Seamus, so you can love others. Don’t follow, always lead with your heart and you will live your truth. Then you will shine brightly and remind others to do the same.

“The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart” – Rumi

Everything that comes from love is a miracle

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Dear Seamus,

Cancer is like a monster in the dark that everyone is afraid of. If you get a cancer diagnosis then you become even more afraid. Afraid of the treatment. Afraid that you have not lived your life fully. Afraid of dying. There are a few things in life that will strike fear into the hearts of people and cancer is one of them. Or is it? We live in a world that fosters fear. Look at any newspaper, it is filled with stories of things you should be afraid of. At the moment, breast cancer is copping the spotlight once again. A famous actress in America went public with some preventative treatment she had done because like me, she has a faulty gene that increases the risk of getting cancer. Like me, she had to make some choices about her body and her health. Like me, most likely she made those choices because she was afraid. This lady lost her Mummy to cancer. She is most likely afraid that she will die young and not be around to enjoy her family.

I made my decision when I didn’t have a family of my own. It was a huge decision to make, to remove a healthy part of my body. Medical experts and those close to me weighed in on it. Some prompted me to just bite the bullet and get it done. Others told me to wait and that I should not mutilate myself needlessly. All the while I was in the centre of a whirlwind of information, personal and professional opinions, and fear was a constant companion. Fears about a future I didn’t know if I could have. I was single at the time so what did that mean for any future relationships? How could a man love and accept me with no breasts? I fantasized about the little baby I was yet to have and the practicality of having to go through surgery. Would I develop another cancer in the remaining breast if I was pregnant? How could I hold a baby against my chest when it was full of stitches? Maybe I would be ok and the cancer experience was over? There was much to consider and it was a torturous and confusing time.

I chose to have the right breast removed before cancer had a chance to show up. It also meant that I would have a completely flat chest and never have to worry about wearing a bra again! I did some research into reconstruction but knew it wasn’t for me. My breasts were gone and I had no interest in trying to recreate them. When you get older I will have to explain the mysterious lumps you see on Nana and Grandma’s chest and why they are not on mine. I will point out Daddy’s nipples and tell you that I had some of my own when I was younger.

Choices around cancer treatment, both responsive and preventative, are fear based. I had my remaining healthy breast removed for fear of developing another cancer. I had 5 treatments of a bone cancer drug in a trial that had some success in preventing bone metastases. I ended up with cancer in the bones anyway.

I see the language around cancer as the ‘battle’, the ‘war’, the ‘fight’ and that people who get cancer are ‘victims’. All fear based language. That really needs to change. My experience of cancer has been a blessing and a gift. It pushed my heart’s desire to the fore. It forced me into the cocoon so that I could emerge the butterfly. The experience was painful and blissful, frightening and liberating, dark and illuminating all at once. It presented the most intense contrast in a condensed time. It fast tracked the road to self-love and where there is love, there cannot be fear. I lost my fear of death and emerged with a deep gratitude for LIFE. When I become fearful I need only remind myself that it is the absence of love. When I love myself I shine, just like anyone who loves themselves. When we experience fear our light dims a little. Only because it is clouded by doubt and a sense of separation, the illusion that we are alone. It is not possible because the life force pulsing through others is the same life force that pulses through you. It is the same. We are all the same. If you think about what an amazing scale that exists on it is simply extraordinary.

I am taking a different approach to cancer. It does not scare me. It is merely a malfunction of my physical form. The real me, my soul, cannot be diseased or dysfunctional. It is impossible because it is the source of everything, the life force or as some like to refer to it, God. I want to access that life force to heal. There is not a finite amount of miracles available, they happen all the time. I don’t see why I can’t have one too! I have had deep angst lately while analysing the idea of a miracle. I worried about how I would look to others if I banged on about getting well only to die of cancer anyway. You know what darling Seamus? I don’t know of one single dead person who feels embarrassed because they were wrong! So what do I have to lose? Nobody is going to look into my coffin wagging their finger and tutting saying they told me so. I won’t look away in shame or have a sense of failure because I’ll be dead! From what I know about death it is the ultimate state of bliss when you give up your physical form and blend back into pure energy. Why would I be afraid of that? Why would anyone be afraid of that? It is life that we are most afraid of. We are afraid of being wrong. We are afraid of failure. We are afraid of what we didn’t do and afraid of what we might do. Are any of these things real? Only in the mind. They are only beliefs. It’s time to start believing something different. It’s time to make some different decisions.

I choose to believe I’m going to get well. I choose not to read statistics on survival rates. I choose not to identify my soul with a malfunction of the body. I choose not to be afraid of death. I choose not to be afraid of cancer. I choose to experience myself in the truest way I can and not be afraid of what others think about that. I choose to love myself, to be as present and open hearted as possible and to forgive myself when I am not. I choose love and it seems to me that wellness, healing and miracles follow. You should know Seamus, you ARE a miracle.

I love you.

Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle” – A Course in Miracles

“Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle”A Course in Miracles